How to Get Back to Work

When you are a working member of society you enjoy income, position,  respect, making a difference, working with others, a feeling of community  and that somehow you are contributing something to the world.  With all this  comes a higher self-esteem and a general impression that your contribution  is important.  If you give this all up for the responsibilities of  parenthood, can you ever find your way back again?  You may be surprised to  find that you certainly can. 

         One day you make a monumental decision; you will become a parent.  The  next crucial decision is whether to maintain your current career while  raising your children or stay at home and take on the task of full time  parenthood. 

 While both decisions are hard, I will share with you what I have experienced  as a stay-at-home mom and what others have told me of their experiences as  well.  Of course being a female, my perspective is from a Mother's point of  view, but with the trends changing today, this can apply to stay-at-home  Dad's also. 

         As a full time parent, your days are filled with important decisions about  child rearing, caring, loving nurturing.  I have the utmost respect for full  time parents because of my first hand experience. 

         The birth of our twin boys was a miracle and I cherish every last moment  that I've spent entrenched in their every day lives.  I adore children and  parenthood is the hardest task I have ever undertaken, but by far, the most  rewarding.  It is ongoing and I can say, so far, so good.  But then a couple  of questions came to my mind, and I found that other mothers have pondered  this as well:  What happens after the kids go to full day school?  Is it  possible to step back into a successful career? Most stay-at-home parents  come to this crossroads and the steps taken will determine what the rest of  life will be like. 

         Let me share some of my own experiences and how I overcame the 'parent  trap.' From speaking with a number of women in similar positions I found out  that we all had a number of common problems. 

         While working on Wall Street in an Executive position, I experienced all  the joys of being part of a dynamic group of adults all working together and  reaping all the benefits of accomplishment and the rewards of income for a  job well-done.  Then came all the joys of parenthood, but what was next? 

         I thought it would be simple.  I would start with a part time job in my  field, around the children's schedule and work my way to full time as the  children matured.  My thinking seemed sound and reasonable. 

         What I experienced was much different.  I found that the working  hours really available are about 4-5 a day.  My skills were rusty, so no one  was jumping to hire me.  With minimal pay and only 20-25 hours a week  available to me, it wasn't going to be profitable.  Others I have spoken to  have been amazed at the similarities we experienced. 

         So, I would revise my plan to fit the circumstances.  Easier said  than done.  I could have hired a reliable sitter and go to work full time,  but I had a problem with finding someone that would be available all the  time and willing to be flexible.  It would have also put a financial strain  on our family until I could rise above the low rate of pay. 

         I considered working nights to salvage our already precarious  financial situation, but I knew I would have so little time with my spouse  that the sacrifice didn't seem worth it. 

         Well, I was lucky, or so I thought.  I found the 20-25 hour a week  job, and the pay was even tolerable.  I thought I was on my way until I  started to deal with job related obstacles that other working parents had  told me about.  Let't just go through the "short" list. 

           The boss and his expectations.  They needed me to work: when it  snowed, to stay late to finish work, to come in when my child was sick, to  come in when school was closed for professional reasons, on certain school  holidays, to miss that "special" performance of the school play.  The  demands were endless.  The stress was continuous and over flowing into my  personal life.  After a while my self esteem plummeted, and I felt helpless  to change it.  That experience just about brought me to my knees.  Others  have expressed the same feelings of  frustration.  I knew there had to be a way to fight my way back. 

         After many months of torture I decided that the answer layed in a home  based business where the schedule could be flexible, the income would be  sufficient and where my stress could be diminished. 

         There were obstacles to consider.  The first was a big one-fear of failure.  Pretending I was still the same person I was years ago might have been  comfortable, but impractible.  After years of being out of the "executive  marketplace," a lower self esteem crept up on me.  I didn't know it, but it  was there.  Others convinced me I was insignificant by saying things like,  "Oh, you stay home?"  What do you do all day anyway?"  Or, "Oh, you haven't  worked in a while, so you really don't understand how it is now."  "Just  take any job."  Could I really do this?  If I failed what was I going to do?  Of course I had tried the job routine and I had (can I say it) FAILED?  Or  had I? 

         I know now it was an impossible situation.  I couldn't control my  children's schedule, the weather, professional days, illness.  My failure  turned out to be expectations being too high, with limited time available.  It was time to step up to the plate, move beyond the fear and to take charge  of my own future. 

         I learned to recognize where the fear was really coming from.  The fear was  coming from everyone else around me accepting the "average" way out and  trying to convince me that was the road I was on.  I wanted more. 

         I discovered that if you have a clear vision of where you are going,  nothing will stop you.  I no longer would take the "average" route.  I went  for my dream, ignored the  nay sayers, conquered the fear and WENT FOR IT! 

          I know at this point you are dying to know what I did next.  It was  very simple. 

         Start!  Yes, it is that simple.  I started writing down the reasons I was  doing this, why I didn't want to settle for the go nowhere job and what  my ultimate long range goal was. 

         I explored the rewards of home based business like time freedom, tax savings,  financial gains, working with those you want and the boost my self  esteem needed.  Just taking the step empowered me. 

         The second step toward the long climb back?  I found out what interested me  and what I could be good at.  Others explored artistic design,  advertising, writing a book, selling products, referral marketing.  Whatever  sparked their interest.  I did my research.  I found out what others were  doing in  the field to achieve their goals.  I saw how they were living their dream. 

         Third.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, just a little every day. Making  phone calls scared me, so I did it first and I did it alot!  Writing advertising  for my business was the scariest thing in the world, so I tried to become an  expert in  it.  I  talked to others in the field.  My "comfort zone" slowly melted  away.  When I spoke to others I suggested that whatever was stopping them,  do it FIRST, EVERYDAY.  They should make it their priority. 

         The final step is the biggest.  Here ya go.  Are you ready?  Don't stop.  Yes, that is the ultimate answer.  I made a conscience decision to believe  in myself, believe in what I was doing, believe that my long range goal was  obtainable.  I even pictured myself  already there and I won't stop until I get there. 

         This is an ongoing process.  Everyday things get just a little easier.  The  obstacles that once held me back have been disappearing.  Others I know are  doing the same.  Success is inevitable if you decide it is.  You can do this  too!  Believe in getting yourself back.  You are in there, and waiting to be  reinvented and rejuvenated!  You just have to look hard and never give up! 

 ==========================================================  Cindy Kopp is a former Wall Street Executive, mother of twins and a Network  Marketer helping others to conquer the fear, move out of their comfort zones  and ultimately achieve a brighter future!  For questions, comments or for  more information on what changed her life email her at clk2@iop.com