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Among the many sales people I've helped as a psychologist over the years, handling rejection by customers is often a major problem. Typically, they tell me how the "motivational" books and tapes they've tried don't seem to work. As one man said recently, "they always exhort you to be positive and don't take things personally. It only makes me feel dumb when I do get upset about a lost sale."

What really helps you to handle rejection is to recognize that there is a part of our minds which ALWAYS takes disappointment seriously. This part connects us to childhood emotional feelings of insecurity. Any disappointment, frustration, and loss will make us feel anxious and small, what I call a "child state." The key to handling rejection is to have COMPASSION for such young feelings. All too often, people are self critical when they feel vulnerable-e.g. "Why am I making such a big deal of losing that sale?" This only makes us feel bad. What REALLY works is when we can say, "Look, this WAS a disappointment and it "hooked" child feelings in me. OK, so how can I best take care of myself to get back "on the horse" and get going again." Such self compassion and active coping can have amazingly positive effects.

Norm Ephraim,Ed.D. is a psychologist in Boston, Mass. He is the author of "Mood Shifting: Understanding and Transforming Your Negative Moods."

His web site is http://www.mood-shifting.com