--by Jody Seidler

                            With divorce on the upswing and the original family foundation
                            being divided, there is a growing population of single parents
                            needing support and information on surviving the breakup of the
                            classically acceptable family unit and the reincarnation into the
                            new single parent lifestyle. With the advent of this new family
                            structure comes confusion and a need to find others going
                            through the same transition who can share their experiences and
                            gain strength together as a support system. 

                            Single parents are no longer in the minority - in a poll taken
                            March of 1996 - 52% of ALL parents in the United States are
                            single parents - with different challenges than two parent homes.
                            We are now the majority!

                            I recall two years ago when I sent my son off to kindergarten, I
                            found myself on the school playground eyeballing the ring fingers
                            of the women and men standing around me. I was a newly single
                            parent looking for support, and there was no way for me to
                            discover who was a married and who was a single parent. A
                            year later I have surrounded myself with other female and male
                            single parents, and have found a niche for myself and my son.
                            And that niche is growing in size. So far we have 40 single
                            parent men and women in our elementary school single parent
                            group. 

                            I was surprised to discover this group had never been organized
                            before (even though it is no small feat). After attending a PTA
                            meeting at our school, I was stimulated to form a single parent
                            support group that catered to the special and individual needs of
                            single parents...the need for child-care assistance, emotional and
                            therapeutic support for themselves and their children,
                            educational information in the form of lectures, training seminars,
                            family and group activities, and social/ recreational activities for
                            parent and child. Our school was very receptive to the idea, and
                            I very much encouraged other single parents and elementary
                            schools to begin their own single parent groups. I have to admit
                            that formation and start-up is gradual. First you have to learn
                            who is a single parent. I did this by creating a roster for sign-up
                            at the PTA meetings and recruited people I knew were single
                            parents. With the help of another very creative single mother in
                            the school, we wrote a blurb in the school newsletter stating the
                            formation of the group and the location of the first meeting,
                            which was on-sight in the school library. Our first meeting was
                            incredible! The Vice Principal of the school (also a single
                            mother) was there, and we had a single parent psychologist who
                            facilitated a partial support/therapy group in the hour and a half
                            meeting, which also included a speaker from the community.
                            Child-care was arranged for those parents who had no
                            alternative. 

                            In the next monthly meeting we incorporated a support group
                            for the children (ranging in ages from 6 to 9) in lieu of a sitter.
                            The adults went around the room and shared who we were, the
                            age of our child/ren and what our direct issues and concerns
                            were. The children, who met in another room, were split up by
                            age, made collages about "family" and talked about their feelings
                            on the level appropriate to their ages. The concerns varied...the
                            custodial father needed a female role model for his daughter; the
                            sole support mother needed a strong role model for her son and
                            tips on discipline and managing anger; everyone needed support
                            regarding stress, financial issues, discipline, and re-entering the
                            dating world. Mostly, we just needed a space to share our
                            concerns about our children, listen for solutions and not feel so
                            alone and isolated.

                            I strongly suggest those single parents looking for a supportive
                            network start their own Single Parent Group - the benefits are
                            gigantic and the truth is - we are a majority now! Imagine setting
                            up single parent groups within each school district and arranging
                            monthly meetings for all the districts to meet and share concerns,
                            experience and knowledge. We could really be a strong
                            community support group... country-wide! 

                            Tips to Single Parent Group Resources:

                                 Don't be afraid to call your favorite columnist, author or
                                 spokesperson to be a speaker in your monthly forums. 
                                 Also remember merchants in your favorite stores may be
                                 single parents willing to help with discounts. 
                                 Consider the directors of university psychology
                                 programs/clinics as excellent referral sources. 
                                 Contact local community newspapers or newsletters on
                                 and off-line to get the word out about your group. 
                                 Get tips from someone who has already established a
                                 group (or get connected with single parent groups on-line
                                 or in other communities).

                            Single parenthood is not a deficit...it is an opportunity to actively
                            create extended family units that are both empowering and
                            foundational to the future of our society. It does begin with you! 
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