When you are a working member of society you enjoy income, position,
respect, making a difference, working with others, a feeling of community
and that somehow you are contributing something to the world.  With all this
comes a higher self-esteem and a general impression that your contribution
is important.  If you give this all up for the responsibilities of
parenthood, can you ever find your way back again?  You may be surprised to
find that you certainly can.

While both decisions are hard, I will share with you what I have experienced
as a stay-at-home mom and what others have told me of their experiences as
well.  Of course being a female, my perspective is from a Mother's point of
view, but with the trends changing today, this can apply to stay-at-home
Dad's also.

        As a full time parent, your days are filled with important decisions about
child rearing, caring, loving nurturing.  I have the utmost respect for full
time parents because of my first hand experience. 

        The birth of our twin boys was a miracle and I cherish every last moment
that I've spent entrenched in their every day lives.  I adore children and
parenthood is the hardest task I have ever undertaken, but by far, the most
rewarding.  It is ongoing and I can say, so far, so good.  But then a couple
of questions came to my mind, and I found that other mothers have pondered
this as well:  What happens after the kids go to full day school?  Is it
possible to step back into a successful career? Most stay-at-home parents
come to this crossroads and the steps taken will determine what the rest of
life will be like.

        Let me share some of my own experiences and how I overcame the 'parent
trap.' From speaking with a number of women in similar positions I found out
that we all had a number of common problems. 

        While working on Wall Street in an Executive position, I experienced all
the joys of being part of a dynamic group of adults all working together and
reaping all the benefits of accomplishment and the rewards of income for a
job well-done.  Then came all the joys of parenthood, but what was next?

        I thought it would be simple.  I would start with a part time job in my
field, around the children's schedule and work my way to full time as the
children matured.  My thinking seemed sound and reasonable. 

        What I experienced was much different.  I found that the working
hours really available are about 4-5 a day.  My skills were rusty, so no one
was jumping to hire me.  With minimal pay and only 20-25 hours a week
available to me, it wasn't going to be profitable.  Others I have spoken to
have been amazed at the similarities we experienced.

        So, I would revise my plan to fit the circumstances.  Easier said
than done.  I could have hired a reliable sitter and go to work full time,
but I had a problem with finding someone that would be available all the
time and willing to be flexible.  It would have also put a financial strain
on our family until I could rise above the low rate of pay. 

        I considered working nights to salvage our already precarious
financial situation, but I knew I would have so little time with my spouse
that the sacrifice didn't seem worth it. 

        Well, I was lucky, or so I thought.  I found the 20-25 hour a week
job, and the pay was even tolerable.  I thought I was on my way until I
started to deal with job related obstacles that other working parents had
told me about.  Let't just go through the "short" list. 

          The boss and his expectations.  They needed me to work: when it
snowed, to stay late to finish work, to come in when my child was sick, to
come in when school was closed for professional reasons, on certain school
holidays, to miss that "special" performance of the school play.  The
demands were endless.  The stress was continuous and over flowing into my
personal life.  After a while my self esteem plummeted, and I felt helpless
to change it.  That experience just about brought me to my knees.  Others
have expressed the same feelings of
frustration.  I knew there had to be a way to fight my way back.

        After many months of torture I decided that the answer layed in a home
based business where the schedule could be flexible, the income would be
sufficient and where my stress could be diminished.

        There were obstacles to consider.  The first was a big one-fear of failure.
Pretending I was still the same person I was years ago might have been
comfortable, but impractible.  After years of being out of the "executive
marketplace," a lower self esteem crept up on me.  I didn't know it, but it
was there.  Others convinced me I was insignificant by saying things like,
"Oh, you stay home?"  What do you do all day anyway?"  Or, "Oh, you haven't
worked in a while, so you really don't understand how it is now."  "Just
take any job."  Could I really do this?  If I failed what was I going to do?
Of course I had tried the job routine and I had (can I say it) FAILED?  Or
had I? 

        I know now it was an impossible situation.  I couldn't control my
children's schedule, the weather, professional days, illness.  My failure
turned out to be expectations being too high, with limited time available.
It was time to step up to the plate, move beyond the fear and to take charge
of my own future.

        I learned to recognize where the fear was really coming from.  The fear was
coming from everyone else around me accepting the "average" way out and
trying to convince me that was the road I was on.  I wanted more.

        I discovered that if you have a clear vision of where you are going,
nothing will stop you.  I no longer would take the "average" route.  I went
for my dream, ignored the
nay sayers, conquered the fear and WENT FOR IT! 

         I know at this point you are dying to know what I did next.  It was
very simple.

        Start!  Yes, it is that simple.  I started writing down the reasons I was
doing this, why I didn't want to settle for the go nowhere job and what
my ultimate long range goal was.

        I explored the rewards of home based business like time freedom, tax savings,
financial gains, working with those you want and the boost my self
esteem needed.  Just taking the step empowered me.

        The second step toward the long climb back?  I found out what interested me
and what I could be good at.  Others explored artistic design,
advertising, writing a book, selling products, referral marketing.  Whatever
sparked their interest.  I did my research.  I found out what others were
doing in
the field to achieve their goals.  I saw how they were living their dream. 

        Third.  I stepped out of my comfort zone, just a little every day. Making
phone calls scared me, so I did it first and I did it alot!  Writing advertising
for my business was the scariest thing in the world, so I tried to become an
expert in
it.  I  talked to others in the field.  My "comfort zone" slowly melted
away.  When I spoke to others I suggested that whatever was stopping them,
do it FIRST, EVERYDAY.  They should make it their priority. 

        The final step is the biggest.  Here ya go.  Are you ready?  Don't stop.
Yes, that is the ultimate answer.  I made a conscience decision to believe
in myself, believe in what I was doing, believe that my long range goal was
obtainable.  I even pictured myself
already there and I won't stop until I get there.

        This is an ongoing process.  Everyday things get just a little easier.  The
obstacles that once held me back have been disappearing.  Others I know are
doing the same.  Success is inevitable if you decide it is.  You can do this
too!  Believe in getting yourself back.  You are in there, and waiting to be
reinvented and rejuvenated!  You just have to look hard and never give up! 

==========================================================
Cindy Kopp is a former Wall Street Executive, mother of twins and a Network
Marketer helping others to conquer the fear, move out of their comfort zones
and ultimately achieve a brighter future!  For questions, comments or for
more information on what changed her life email her at clk2@iop.com

Copyright © 1999 Cindy Kopp,  All Rights Reserved.  Reprints, reproduction
or distribution of this document in whole or in part is not permitted
without written permission from the author.