Copyright 1997-2004
Rebecca Game
All Rights Reserved

Something's Not Quite Right Here!

   You are going to love this one because it's true and believe me when I say you will be able to "imagine it" as this story unfolds.  Years ago, while still in the "poor house", I learned how to do things the "cheaper way". I frosted my own hair, baked my own birthday cakes, and bought all my shoes from WalMart and so on and so on.. 

     Being "newly" married, it was important to shave your legs and underarms everyday! You wouldn't dare have a hair showup....yet. (Later in your marriage, this becomes one of those things that can wait until April or June). I even went to bed with my "false" eyelashes on, just so he wouldn't "know" they weren't mine. I  remember waking up one morning before him and seeing one stuck on his back. When I first awoke, I thought it was a spider and I jumped out of bed in less than 1 second flat and had it killed with only three hard slaps of the pillow, all this from a dead sleep!  Anyway.... back to the "shaving"... 

     I had gone to the drug store and discovered that you could now "wax" your hair off. I read from the label that the hair would stay gone for days. This, in my opinion, was a small miracle! Just imagine the time I could save, if I didn't have to do this daily shaving! So, I splurged and bought some. 

     I couldn't wait to try it out, but when I got it home and read the instructions, it said you needed to let the hair "grow" for a couple of days. This thought was awful but I wanted to start this new beauty method, so I waited.... two days..... three days.... and then finally on the fourth day, I thought the hair under my arms and legs was long enough to give it the "wax treatment"! 

     Since I had read the instructions 4 days ago, I didn't think I needed to read them again, so I just jumped in got started. I heated the wax and then took this fat stick and started smearing it under my arm. After I was satisfied that I had "covered" every hair under my  arm with wax, I applied the cloth that came with the package and then waited for the wax to cool. In the meantime, I am walking around the house with my left arm up in the air while I drink my coffee, and do little chores one-handed. 

     I gave it, what I thought was a sufficient amount of time to cool off, so I headed back to the vanity where I could see this miracle in the making! I reached for the upper part of the cloth that was used for getting a good grip to "yank" and I gave it a "tug". 

     "OUCH", I thought.... this is gonna hurt! I better yank it real fast and get it over with.  So I prepared myself for the pain, mentally and then gave a huge yank down! I SCREAMED in pain and guess what? It didn't come off! It didn't even budge! It took a few tears in my eyes, and a couple of deep breaths to "try" again.  Idid and it was to no avail. The wax was not even coming close to leaving my skin!  All this while my arm is up in the air and now it is getting "tired". 

     I gave it about 5 more try's and by this time I am crying from the pain. I laid down on the bed to give my arm a rest and tried yanking from there. NOPE! The wax is like GLUE in disguise. After my panic attack, I decide to "re-read" the instructions! I find that you are only supposed to apply the wax in thin small strips at a time. "OH NO!", I thought.   I have applied a HUGE glob under my arm! I decided that I would get some cooking oil and put it under my arm and work the wax away from my skin.  This worked a "little" bit. I could see that the wax was loose from my skin but it was still attached to the hair! But, this WAS one small relief from my earlier predicament. 

     It has now been a little over two hours since I applied the wax and this was only supposed to take minutes. Not only that... my arm is so tired from holding it up, that it is now shaking on it's own. I'm resting on my head while I cry. 

     I laid down on the bed and decided to start the "pulling routine" again. This time it gave way!  It had actually pulled away about halfway down! I was so excited that I yanked and yanked and yanked until finally it was just hanging by a hair or two! I gave it the final tug and it was over! I laughed, even though I was at home alone and then I fell asleep from mental exhaustion. 

     About 20 minutes later I awoke, got up and went to the vanity to see the horror of this HUGE black and blue circle coming from my side to halfway down my left arm!  I busted out laughing! I looked in the mirror at my face, this time, and said, "You idiot! THROW that stuff away! Your arm looked better with HAIR under it!"